Unaccountability is a word! (I made vegan meat)

I have successfully made the vegan meat I talked about a few weeks ago. Work has gotten better since discovering the beauty of Google Calendar. When I get the notification that tells me when I should leave my apartment in order to get to my calendar event on time, I think to myself…how does it know to factor in transit time via train? How does it know that I had no intention of leaving at 6:25 to get to an 7 o’clock event 5 minutes early? Is it looking out for me?

I saw a video of a lady sitting in front of a bush or sitting on her bed (I can’t remember which) and the text above her head read something along the lines of “doing something wrong, then avoiding accountability and communication is not protecting your peace.” I thought, well, I do that often! I am a responsibility avoider! I think my 20s are going to teach me a lot about how not to be one, and why this will be for the better even though it feels very inconvenient to me personally.

Even with all of the tools to successfully fight unaccountability…still…still I am late. Still I get distracted and am relatively disorganized even though I know what helps me focus and how to clean as I go. But while I am unprepared to grow up I will hold onto the key that will eventually unlock a very useful box of solutions to better myself as an individual! I will use them as I grow. One of the keys is shaped like this:

Google Calendar Logo

At the stage I’m in now, I think I misuse my freedom a bit. Sometimes it’s nice to cancel plans last minute and find out that your friend was thinking the same thing. And it might make you wonder, ‘do my friends really want to see me if we’re always rainchecking? Hasn’t it stopped raining by now?’ To that I say yes, they do want to see you. Eventually. And it was never really raining! Actually, the weather is great and nothing is stopping either of you from making the most of the day and the plans you made three days prior. But they did not go to sleep on time last night and in this last-minute moment even though they’ve really been feeling introverted all day and should’ve texted to cancel sooner, they like their blanket more. Past them did not plan for present them’s eepiness, for which you cannot hold any blame. I know from experience. I am trying not to do this anymore

In a weird way, I feel more connected to friend than if we frolicked tiredly together. I’d rather wait, and when we see each other, say “finally!!!!” like we both thought the reunion would never happen.

When I’m older, neither of us will cancel, and we will have gotten 18 hours of sleep between the both of us. That will be beautiful.

At work, too, both online and in person, I feel like the biggest challenge I struggle with is showing up for people. I’m realizing though that showing up uncomfortably is usually a better mode of creative expression compared avoiding it in silence (like the lady in the bush said so artfully). Same with my laundry and my dishes. And my job outside of food. I’d like to get to a point where avoiding what I am afraid of feels more uncomfortable than actually facing it, so I stop avoiding anything all together.

Which leads me to…my 5 pounds of vegan meat. It took about 6 packs of extra firm tofu, willpower, blood, sweat, mold, tears. Accidentally forgetting to turn my oven off. A burning smell. Trying again. Tin foil. Twine. A mixture of barbecue sauce, maple syrup, brown sugar and soy sauce (for the glaze). ¾ cup vital wheat gluten. Self reflection. Growth.

And finally.

I give to you: my deli meat (minus the meat) recipe

1 package of extra firm tofu

3 tbsps tbsps chicken seasoning

2 tsps vegetable bouillon

2 tsps salt

2 tsps black pepper

3/4 cup vital wheat gluten

2 tbsps bbq

1 tbsp soy sauce

1 tbsp maple syrup

Twine

Tin foil

A 400F oven

Love and affection

Blend your tofu along with 1 tbsp of chicken seasoning, bouillon, salt and pepper until a paste forms.

If you’re using a strong blender, add vital wheat gluten and blend again until a soft dough forms and starts to pull away from the sides of your blender.

If you don’t have a strong blender, knead this in with your hands.

Form a log about 6-8 inches long and 4-5 inches wide.

Sprinkle remaining chicken seasoning on your counter top and roll your log on top of it to coat.

Wrap this in tin foil and place log in a double boiler. Add enough water to fill your bottom pot about an inch high, and steam log for 20 minutes on medium.

Tie your log with twine once it’s cool. I’m not sure how to describe how to tie a log of tofu meat, but you’re looking for that same pattern you

Remove log from double boiler and place on a baking tray. Bake for 20 minutes, then remove from foil and bake for another 20 directly on your pan.

Once it’s cool you can untie your twine and slice, but I recommend cooling it in the fridge for a few hours so it sets up well.

I’m going to be less noncommittal.

Halle.